Saturday, October 5, 2013

Day 2 Alex

Today is Sunny, but of course that can change at any time.

Today I was supposed to go out with a guy named Alex, but once again I put it off. I don't know why but I am just not interested in him. He is cute and sweet yet I don't look forward to hanging out with him or talking to him, and I feel like that is a must in a possible relationship. I don't want to make him feel bad because he seems like a nice guy, I just don't feel like it. Talking to him is hard because we are both introverts and I feel like I am not acting like myself when I am the one carrying on the conversation. It feels weird and uncomfortable and a lot of work. I think a good relationship or even friendship means you can just talk. Everything is easy, light hearted and enjoyable. I know this because I dated someone who made me feel like that. But then, the person who I ended up dating that did do that was also someone I wasn't interested in right away. Maybe I should just give it a chance?

I don't know. I just know there is a deference between being open minded and just stupid, I find many people get them mixed up and I don't want to be one of them.

Today is a beautiful day, I should just go out and paint, enjoy the air and just relax.

Dating feels like too much trouble and I just don't feel like it. I have no interest in fooling around.

Later On:

I went on my walk to the public garden which was nice despite the long distance any my heavy bag of art supplies.

On my walk I passed over an old stone bridge a beautiful bridge that over looks the city, also a bridge more recently named 'Suicide Bridge'. Because so many people have jumped off of it, the side of the bridge are now block of by very tall black fences with barbed wire on the top. I feel bad knowing that the beauty of it can no longer be appreciated because of people. I know as a Christian I should feel compassionate but I just don't. I see people all the time make horrible decisions, decisions that they are sure they can handle and that will be fine.. but like almost always it kills then, leaves them empty and without money. I watch people hate everyone that he feel judged by while fighting just to kill themselves. They are left with nothing, and nothing to hope for, so kill themselves. I know there are other circumstances, some that someone can not do anything about, very painful horrible things. But the large amount of people selfish enough to kill themselves are self made victims blaming the world for their problems. It makes me angry.

I know God wants me to love them, but it's hard, I just feel so angry that people work so hard to kill themselves.

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