Day 4?

Yes, yes, I know I know. I am very much behind. I had thought about posting many times but didn't.

Since I have last posted life has certainly taken some stressful turn's, nothing too bad, just thing's that are awkwardly hard to deal with, like that spot on your back you just can't reach. That is how I feel.

Most of all Alex. For those of you who are keeping up he is a co-worker and someone who had creept me out. But I gave him another chance, and it ended like the last. He is nice, very nice, too nice. He is fake. He has nothing to talk about because everything he has to talk about is about stuff he know's will be a deal breaker for me. I took in my connection with God and just my woman's intuition and I just know from the deepest pit in my stomach this guy was dangerous and just wants to sleep with me. I know it sounds vain but trust me I don't just come up with these thing's to self praise. Instead I just know he thing's a small little girl like me is ignorant and easily bought. 

After I told him I was not interested in a relationship he told me that, that was okay, that we could be friend's but then asked me to hang out with him again. It is the exact same thing. One on one time with someone who I know is thinking dirty thought's. I told him I don't have time, which I do so he continued to text me twice a day to ask me what I am doing and ask me to hang out. I continued to say 'No' so get this, the guy shows up at my house.

I then tell him I am not interested in being friend's with him, that get's him to leave me alone, but then gossip about me to my other co-workers that I don't want to be friend's with him. The thing is at work, he is a nice, little sweet caring guy, but I know it is a front, well I did after meeting with him twice. But the girl's don't know that. So I am not the mean person who wont be friends with someone as sweet as Alex. How can I tell them that it is because he is being creepy and in reality just wants to sleep with me? I can't, it just sounds vain, and I would not be believed.

I had to decided it was okay if they didn't believe me. I feel like I fell ass first into some drama though. I don't like drama and try not to be part of it. I thought he would back off as soon as I told him I was not interested in a relationship do, most men do, but no he fought and fought and fought making thing's into a bigger deal than they were.

Blah, I don't have time for this mess. I don't have time for man drama. If I say 'no' I mean 'no' not 'try harder and buy me stuff'. No that is just weird. Cut it out. Jeez.

Day 2 Alex

Today is Sunny, but of course that can change at any time.

Today I was supposed to go out with a guy named Alex, but once again I put it off. I don't know why but I am just not interested in him. He is cute and sweet yet I don't look forward to hanging out with him or talking to him, and I feel like that is a must in a possible relationship. I don't want to make him feel bad because he seems like a nice guy, I just don't feel like it. Talking to him is hard because we are both introverts and I feel like I am not acting like myself when I am the one carrying on the conversation. It feels weird and uncomfortable and a lot of work. I think a good relationship or even friendship means you can just talk. Everything is easy, light hearted and enjoyable. I know this because I dated someone who made me feel like that. But then, the person who I ended up dating that did do that was also someone I wasn't interested in right away. Maybe I should just give it a chance?

I don't know. I just know there is a deference between being open minded and just stupid, I find many people get them mixed up and I don't want to be one of them.

Today is a beautiful day, I should just go out and paint, enjoy the air and just relax.

Dating feels like too much trouble and I just don't feel like it. I have no interest in fooling around.

Later On:

I went on my walk to the public garden which was nice despite the long distance any my heavy bag of art supplies.

On my walk I passed over an old stone bridge a beautiful bridge that over looks the city, also a bridge more recently named 'Suicide Bridge'. Because so many people have jumped off of it, the side of the bridge are now block of by very tall black fences with barbed wire on the top. I feel bad knowing that the beauty of it can no longer be appreciated because of people. I know as a Christian I should feel compassionate but I just don't. I see people all the time make horrible decisions, decisions that they are sure they can handle and that will be fine.. but like almost always it kills then, leaves them empty and without money. I watch people hate everyone that he feel judged by while fighting just to kill themselves. They are left with nothing, and nothing to hope for, so kill themselves. I know there are other circumstances, some that someone can not do anything about, very painful horrible things. But the large amount of people selfish enough to kill themselves are self made victims blaming the world for their problems. It makes me angry.

I know God wants me to love them, but it's hard, I just feel so angry that people work so hard to kill themselves.

Day 1: Missed class

Today is Cloudy, but then Portland weather is emotional so it could change at any time.

I did not have class today, or at least I would not have. Yesterday I had an Anatomy class, a class I would have to get up at 6:00am to attend which is followed by another class which would have me back at home by around 5:30pm or so. However the night before last for some reason I could not fall asleep, I ended up falling asleep around 4:00am which would not give me a lot of time of sleep for a long day of work. I couldn't do it, so despite my guild I did not go to class. But that is not all, oh no, that was my first day of class, Anatomy which I skipped. I did go to my other class that day, but did skip Anatomy. So later in the day I sent him a letter, telling him that actually, my schedule had changed and that it was my mistake for not seeing it sooner. So I yes, lied. I know everyone lies to get out of or school ever so often, probably less often on the first day.

I could have told you that my schedule had changed and that was what happened, but I want to be honest with you all, be true.

Now some of you might wonder 'Where does God come into all of this?' well to be honest I am not the spouting verse type, the type to post pictures of little children running through fields with that lost lamb verse on facebook. That is just not me or who I am, so you wont be seeing that. I MAY ever so often post a verse but not to show you all how well I know it and how it is engraved in my perfect Christian life, instead just a reminder for myself and how maybe it will help me with a struggle I am having.

I am a person, a person with struggles and problems and idea's and confusions and I don't care much for this main stream Christian who is either completely flippant or 'Perfect' only offering advice to other's but with no problems of their own.

So have fun reading into a life of a normal person, and a Christian.

Anyways, to get back to my day. I would have had today off, other than my teacher wrote me back and told me I could go to one of his classes today, I had to say 'Yes' of course, so soon I will be heading out to that.

Oh what do you know, it's sunny now.

To Begin

I know many people who blog, and I have dabbled with it myself. However I never really knew how I felt about it personally. 

I have never really been interested in reading blog's however I feel there is a lot to learn by reading someone else's point of view.

I do not even have a strong desire to Blog myself, but I have been thinking about doing it for quite some time. Hey, I might enjoy it, and other's might enjoy reading it! But then I ask myself simple questions 'What would I talk about?' 'Would people be interested in what I have to say?' 'Will anyone even read it?'. I know there is a special art go good Blogging because there is a class for it in my college, a class I have not yet taken. So I am left knowing there is an art of Blogging, but then not having the knowledge of what it is or how to use it.

So, I will just do my best, and hopefully strike the interested of both lovers and haters.

I am Christian, a young woman going to college, and I have a lot to talk about, and a lot to learn. I will be delighted if you will take this journey with me.

I promise very interesting things happen to me, and I will write a new post at least ever day. Or at least try too.